the ugly list

Most of us have found ourselves in situations, after some sort of “bomb” has gone off in our lives, of sitting there amidst the wreckage and asking “What was I thinking?”

We know better than to do the things we do or get involved with things that will cause us harm. Often, we know, even as we are taking steps towards a decision or action that it is the wrong one for us. And yet we still do it.

As if there was something that was beyond our control powering us along into these disasters.

It is called self-defeating behavior or self-sabotage. It is when it seems like we can’t take having good things happen without also doing something, for lack of a better word, that is stupid and brings our house down.

Here are 8 simple questions to ask yourself before you make a decision or take an action. They are also good to help you get out of obsessive or circular thinking. These questions are brutal and ugly in their honesty – but if you can be as equally brutal in your honesty in answering them – you can stop self-destructive patterns before they begin.

1. What is my payoff? What are you getting out of being the victim or angry or put out?
2. Is this a situation that I know triggers my extreme reactions? Do you already know that this situation will cause you stress?
3. How does my past play into this? (take a look at your past but don’t get stuck there)
4. Why do I want to stay in the role of the victim?
5. Why am I blaming other people?
6. What is my second thought about the situation? (Your first thought is wrong, we are never upset for the reasons we first think we are)
7. What am I really thinking about myself in this situation? (Find something different to think, something opposite)
8. Am I done suffering yet? (and if you don’t know, go back to question 1, what are you getting out of suffering? What purpose does it play in your life?)