Sunday, July 18, 2010 at 9:56AM coffee and chacha
Now, why would I bother with something that literally pays less then .02 cents and answer?
Because in the madness of ChaCha-ing I have gotten more work done, like paid work, then I have in months.
I think...it is easy to forget, even when you are doing something that you love, that in all things there is repetition, grunt work, little anal attentive things that son't quite live up to the sweeping emotions of accomplishment and inspiration.
Like with Love and Ideas, both have sweeping beginnings but it is the daily work, the grind, that makes them happen and survive. Sounds awful to say "the grind" when it comes to something like Love but there is an aspect of the daily of it that is not always on that "high" we associated with love, and neither is it in the quiet, peaceful contentment that we experience either. Sometimes its like...oh its you again. And that is where Love really occurs. Because that thing called "the grind" is actual where you take care of Love. You oil it. Check for loose bits. Make sure it has enough to eat and is comfortable. Do its laundry, match its socks, listen to it blow its nose.
That is where choice comes in. You can choose to be there for that or not. You can choose to only want the high moments or to be there for everything.
Because like Ideas, ideas can come into being with little to no work sometimes, but once you have seen an idea rise out of careful attention to that original moment - you can never really go back to accepting something that has grown unattended. Because you have experience the difference of what it can be. The strength it can draw from being cared for.
The bug is out. The flu is gone. I pinched a nerve or muscle in my left shoulder and it finally came free last night so I am no longer in pain every time I take a step. So naturally, while carrying laundry up the stairs - I stepped just so and popped my head right into a rafter - so now the left side hurts.
FML
If I rub my shoulder blade it feels like there is gravel beneath it.
Hopefully...knock on wood...I will be back on Sunday Radio next week. Doing what, I am not sure, but I am also getting ready to reschedule the Poe show. And, am steadily working on the new video for the Executioner's Song.
Maybe I should just take to wearing a helmet when I walk around town.
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Reader Comments (2)
"Because like Ideas, ideas can come into being with little to no work sometimes, but once you have seen an idea rise out of careful attention to that original moment - you can never really go back to accepting something that has grown unattended. Because you have experience the difference of what it can be. The strength it can draw from being cared for."
CT, That is what is going with my work and that includes my efforts here, I guess, a slowing to build more solidly and that may very well be my dissatisfaction with recent work ...that awareness that it needs more time and care taken...rather I know specifically what it is that will develop or not. Sometimes, I feel like I left too much out of the conversation and that doesn't help anyone or at least I think so today. So I am living with it till it comes to me, miserably, it is an ill-fit to my energy and sense of time. It is not at all zen ...it's frigging' nerve racking, like trying to latch the clasp of a necklace... with arthritis and bi-focal lens. You just want to throw it across the room. :-) BW
That is why finding something like ChaCha is so good for me. It is by no means a money maker, but it lets me explode for a few minutes, get things done in a very creative sense and then go back to that slow building. It is frustrating because all I want to do is start filming the Song but I am holding back, looking at it, letting it grow.